


dave gets coronavirus

by oh_yeah_woo_yeah



Category: Homestuck
Genre: COVID-19, Coronavirus, Crack, Gen, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Pre-Sburb/Sgrub, supposed to be posted on 4/13 but i didn't
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:20:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24244921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oh_yeah_woo_yeah/pseuds/oh_yeah_woo_yeah
Summary: dave gets coronavirus
Comments: 3
Kudos: 11





	dave gets coronavirus

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this in early quarantine back when uhh yeah  
> stay safe

Dave was in the middle of a very meaningful conversation with Rose, as usual, when he was suddenly interrupted by an intense sneezing fit. It wasn’t that he wanted to stop talking to Rose, the issue was that he was too preoccupied stopping himself from spraying snot all over the place like a fucking torrential downpour to continue whatever he was rambling about. He wasn’t sure how long the sneezing fit lasted, but it was obviously way too goddamn long.

TT: Dave?  
TT: You have been gone for quite a while now.  
TT: A while being about a minute.  
TT: But it’s not like you to stop in the middle of one of your rambles, which you know I enjoy very much.  


\--turntechGodhead [TG]is now an idle chum!

TT: Oh for fucks sake.  
TG: holy shit  
TG: sorry rose  
TG: i dont know what just happened  
TG: but it was like  
TG: the floodgates were just opened  
TG: the floodgates being my nose  
TG: i mean ive had the sniffles for a couple days  
TG: but it all came out in one massive clusterfuck just now  
TG: and i got kinda caught up in that massive clusterfuck  
TG: couldnt answer  
TG: you know how it is  
TT: English, please.  
TT: I do not, in fact, know how it is.  
TG: so basically i had this amazing sneezing fit  
TG: it kinda hurt but it hurt so good  
TG: you have no idea how much i needed that rose  
TG: ive been so goddamn stuffed up lately  
TG: it was fucking orgasmic  
TT: Are you aware that the coronavirus has been slowly spreading throughout your area?  
TG: of course im aware  
TG: why wouldnt i be  
TG: anyways dont flip your shit  
TG: im the one whos possibly infected and look at me  
TG: im being cool about it  
TT: I’m being cool about it too, Dave.  
TG: you are???  
TT: I’d like to think I am.  
TG: its kinda hard to tell  
TG: but usually when you pull out the ‘“are you aware”s and shit i assume shits getting serious  
TT: Shit is not getting serious.  
TT: I was merely informing you about the possibility that you may be infected with coronavirus.  
TG: sure whatever you say  
TG: dont let shit get too serious ok  
TG: i know you said youre being cool about it but i have a feeling youre not  
TG: like youre being kinda cool about it but its just what would be considered nice weather here in texas  
TG: its not really cool but it feels nice because youre no longer sweating your ass off  
TT: Are you saying you’re not cool?  
TG: holy shit no thats not what i was saying  
TG: this conversation is getting dumber by the minute  
TG: what im saying is im not gonna die of the sniffles or some shit so dont worry ok  
TT: Famous last words.  
TG: oh shut up  
TT: Gladly. I have other things to attend to, anyway.  
TG: like what  
TT: None of your business.  
TG: fine  
TT: Let me know if your “sniffles” develop into something more. It’d be ironic if you ended up with the coronavirus after all, and I know you like your irony.  
TG: not that kind of irony  
TG: you know what im done  
TG: bye  


turntechGodhead[TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

\---

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

  


TT: Any new symptoms?  
TG: wow not even gonna ask me about how my days been  
TT: How has your day been?  
TG: just gonna jump straight into personal questions about my mysterious illness  
TG: and its been fan-fucking-tastic  
TT: So I presume nothing's gotten worse?  
TG: actually ive been sneezing and coughing a whole lot more but its not really a problem  
TG: also bros been avoiding the shit out of me  
TG: the coronavirus shit must be getting to him  
TG: ive been holed up in my room all day and he hasnt said a damn thing about it  
TT: That’s good, I suppose.  
TT: It’d be preferable to limit the possible spread of coronavirus as much as possible.  
TG: who said i had the coronavirus  
TT: Nobody.  
TG: because i sure as hell havent  
TG: i havent said a single thing about the coronavirus  
TG: that's all you  
TT: I seem to be interrupting a Dave ramble with reason, which I've learned is impossible. Carry on.  
TG: fuck off  
TG: that shit hurted  
TG: ksaasaosjasajdiefjrifdajs  
TT: Dave?  
TT: Are you ok?  
TG: sorry i sneezed on my keyboard  
TG: had to disinfect that shit asap  
TG: it was fucking nasty  
TG: my nose was like  
TT: Please spare me the details.  
TG: ok  
TG: the details are being spared  
TG: im like frisk undertale over here  
TG: sparing these details like crazy  
TG: you’re never see em again but theyre not dead  
TG: they live on in my memory but theyre being wooshed away from this chat  
TT: Good to know.  
TT: I’d prefer if they only live on in your memory, and not mine.  
TT: If they make their way into my memory, I’ll show no mercy.  
TG: woah calm down  
TG: i just said im sparing you the details  
TT: Just making sure.  
TT: Anyways, I have to be going now.  
TT: Unlike you, I have better things to do than be on pesterchum all day.  
TG: oh fuck off  
TG: im sick  
TG: im getting my beauty rest  
TT: Beauty rest?  
TG: yeah, got a problem?  
TT: No, I've gotten used to all this at this point.  
TT: Anyways, I really have to be going now, so go get some more “beauty rest”.  
TT: Or go pester John. He’s self-quarantining right now.  
TG: wait really?  
TT: Yes.  
TG: holy shit  
TG: i gotta go talk to him now  
TG: bye  
TT: Goodbye.  


turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

\------

turntechGodhead[TG] began pesteringectoBiologist[EB]  
TG: yo john  
EB: hey! what’s up?  
TG: is it true that youre also down with the corona  
EB: what?  
EB: dave, are you telling me you have corona virus?  
TG: no  
TG: im not  
TG: the shit im down with right now is just allergies  
TG: i think  
TG: idk sometimes my brain goes full dr google with whatever goddamn symptoms ive got at the time  
TG: coming up with the worst possible outcome  
TG: when its actually just a cold or something  
EB: oh, ok!  
EB: anyways, why do you ask?  
TG: oh rose told me you were self quarantining  
TG: are you  
EB: oh, that.  
EB: yeah, i am.  
EB: some kid at my school got corona virus so they closed down the school…  
EB: but i seem to be fine!  
TG: lol my school closed for the same reason  
TG: anyways since were both stuck at home right now  
TG: wanna do something  
TG: im bored out of my fucking mind  
EB: yeah i’m actually getting pretty bored too…  
EB: ive been stuck at home for like a week.  
EB: hey, wanna play this new game i got?  
EB: it’s called sburb.  
TG: sure, why not


End file.
